If your relationship isn’t in a good place, then it’s normal not to want sex.

People often wonder why they aren’t interested in sex anymore, why their sex drive has changed, or why they want different amounts of sex. Often they think there is something wrong, that they have low libido, and they feel shame.

The truth is there are many reasons why this could be happening, but a big one is the state of the relationship.

The state of your relationship and how close and connected you feel to your partner significantly impact your desire for intimacy.

When you’re in a good place and are feeling close, connected, heard, understood, and important to them, it often positively influences your desire levels, leading you to want more touch, closeness, and intimacy.

When there is a build-up of issues, unresolved conflicts, resentment, a lack of emotional safety, high stress, or trust issues in the relationship, you might emotionally disconnect to protect yourself, which leads to reduced levels of desire.

Sex drive is deeply connected to how we feel about ourselves and one another. When the relationship isn’t in a good place or you have lingering frustrations toward your partner, it often leads to reduced desire. This makes sense and is a perfectly normal response.

This is why it’s important to remember that if you’re struggling with intimacy and not wanting sex, it doesn’t necessarily mean there is a problem with your level of libido or desire. Maybe it’s a perfectly normal response to what is happening in your life and your relationship.

If that’s the case and you want to work on it, maybe rather than focusing on sex, you could start by focusing on improving the state of your relationship and prioritising connection. This might involve improving communication, resolving underlying issues, creating more emotional safety, and reconnecting with your partner to create more emotional closeness.

Desire and libido are funny and often very misunderstood things. There are many things that impact desire levels like health, medications, ageing, hormones, trauma, likes and dislikes, and so on, but the state of the relationship is a big one. When there is a build-up of negativity, it can impact desire. 

We can’t expect to want sex when the relationship isn’t in a good space. So, if we want to reconnect intimately, we need to focus on resolving issues and prioritising emotional connection and closeness. 

Just some food for thought…

Love,

Lucille