If you want to create safe love, then do these 8 things:
The 8 things I have seen time and time again that help people create safe, happy, and healthy relationships are:
LISTEN
Really listen to them. Often, when we are listening, we’re not absorbing their perspective and are just waiting for our turn to speak and thinking of how we will respond. Understanding, connection, empathy, and compassion come when we really hear them, are willing to see where they are coming from and are open to learning how their dreams, beliefs, and past influence their perspective. Be curious, ask questions, and actively listen.
SELF REFLECT
Reflect upon your own internal experience and emotions. If something comes up that bothers you, sit with it, notice it, and explore where it comes from. Don’t just assume because something made you feel uncomfortable that your partner is to blame. Learning to hold space for your emotions and reflect rather than getting highjacked and projecting helps to create an emotionally safe environment.
LEAD WITH RESPECT
Treating your partner with respect is absolutely fundamental to being a good partner and creating a safe and healthy relationship. Respect creates trust, security, and helps us to feel safe which allows us to be open and vulnerable. Respect also contributes to mutual growth and overall wellbeing. Respecting your partner means being kind, considerate, caring, fair and valuing them.
COMMUNICATE
Don’t expect them to read your mind. Tell them what you need. Tell them what you like. Tell them all the things they need to know to be able to show up and be a good partner for you. When you communicate, especially in times of conflict, try and do so in a kind and constructive way. Speak from your perspective, remain respectful, and lead with empathy and compassion.
OWN YOUR SHIT
We all have a past, we all have baggage, and none of us are perfect, but we need to own what we bring into the relationship and how it affects the bond. Taking ownership allows us to learn about our triggers, our wounds and our personal challenges. This then helps us grow, mature, and improve how we manage our experience. Doing this also creates a space where a safe partner can support that journey, but first, we need to own what’s ours.
HOLD SPACE
Holding space for your partner's experiences, perspective, and emotions shows respect, care, love, and kindness. You might not always get it, it may not be your reality, you may not know what to say... and that’s okay. Holding space is about validating their experience and saying, ‘I hear you’ and ‘I am here for you’. You don’t need to solve the problem. It’s about creating a space where you can lean on and support one another.
PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE
Letting your partner be who they are means embracing them fully for who they are, including their strengths, weaknesses, quirks, and imperfections. It involves acknowledging and appreciating their unique qualities without trying to change or control them. It means letting go of judgment and reminding yourself of the things you love and appreciate about them. Note: Accepting them as a person does not mean accepting all behaviors or poor treatment.
LEARN TO BEND
"Bending" means being flexible, adaptable, and willing to compromise to accommodate your partner's needs, preferences, and perspectives. It means being willing to zoom out and focus on the big picture. It means valuing your partner's needs as you do your own, respecting differences, and coming up with plans and solutions together. It means taking one hand off the steering wheel and learning to drive together.
They may be simple, but simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy. This stuff takes work, but its work worth doing.
Love,
Lucille
