Self Reflection is a superpower
Self-reflection is the process of reviewing and evaluating our thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and actions. It helps us grow, learn, and improve.
Self-reflection helps us to look at ourselves, reflect upon our part in issues, and become aware of areas for growth and development. If we cannot or will not reflect, we cannot grow, or take accountability, or improve. This is why I think it’s an absolutely fundamental skill to develop and doing so will improve your relationships.
When we don’t have the ability or willingness to learn to self-reflect then we are limiting ourselves. When we are in a relationship with someone who refuses to self-reflect, it makes it almost impossible to constructively navigate issues and challenges because they will never be able to see their part and take accountability. This is why I would also say it’s a non-negotiable if you’re dating. If you’re someone who is committed to growth and actively self-reflects, be sure to choose someone who is also committed to that process.
If you’re reading this and thinking you’d like to learn how to self-reflect, or how to improve your reflective process… I’ve got you.
Here are some things you can do to build the skill because after all, self-reflection is a skill, and it’s a skill that can be learned. The benefits of giving your time and attention to this are increased self-awareness, a better understanding of your wants and needs, increased self-esteem, and enhanced decision-making that feels aligned.
Self-reflection helps you to:
Understand your part in issues and take responsibility. Self-reflection allows you to reflect upon your role in conflicts or challenges and instead of blaming your partner, you can take responsibility for your actions. This in turn helps you to grow and improve the relational dynamic.
Understand your wants, needs, and values and how they influence the way you engage in relationships. Self-reflection helps you to become more aware of what you want and what matters to you. This awareness allows you to communicate what you want and need to your partner. When you communicate openly about your needs it reduces misunderstandings and the disappointment that comes with unspoken expectations. It also gives your partner the opportunity to meet those needs now they’re aware of them.
Improve your communication. By reflecting upon your thoughts and feelings you can express yourself more clearly and effectively. This leads to more open and honest communication.
Be more empathetic and understanding. Self-reflection and becoming aware of areas you need to improve can be incredibly humbling. It helps you to move out of self-righteousness and towards patience and understanding. It allows you to put yourself in their shoes and consider their experience, not just yours, and to be more compassionate.
It supports your growth individually and together. When you reflect, you learn and grow. This allows you to grow and change individually and also within the partnership. Growth is the goal of relationships in my opinion. What we are doing if we’re not growing and learning from our experiences?
Reduce emotional reactivity. Reflecting on your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and triggers helps you to make sense of why situations, events, or behaviours make you feel a certain way. Once you develop that awareness you can be more conscious of what’s happening for you in the moment, what you need to self-soothe, and how to respond rather than react.
Okay, so now you know what it’s so important…. how do you do it?!
How to get better at self-reflection:
Here are some activities that help you reflect, tune in, and build your self-awareness.
1. Check in with yourself daily. Dedicate 10-15 minutes at the end of each day to reflect on your experiences, thoughts, and emotions. Over time, this will help you become more in tune with yourself, more aware, and will help you get more comfortable reflecting.
2. Learn about who you are. Regularly ask yourself questions that provoke deeper thinking, like:
What are my core values?
What are my wants and needs?
How do my actions align with my beliefs?
What are my strengths and areas for improvement?
What led me to react that way?
What wounds am I carrying that affect how I show up in my relationship?
What activates me?
What do I struggle to accept about myself or my partner?
Knowing yourself and being willing to look inward is all part of the process.
3. Ask for feedback. Ask a trusted person for feedback. We all have blind spots and may not know how we come across. Ask someone you trust what they notice about patterns in your life, your choices, your behaviours, where you seem to get stuck, and how you come across. This external perspective can provide insights you might miss.
4. Reflect on challenges. Think back to some of the relational challenges you’ve experienced and reflect upon your experience, your part in them, if any themes keep repeating, what the other person’s/people’s perspective might be, and what ideas or perspectives you find yourself most resistant to.
5. Really listen to what your partner is telling you and be willing to take their perspective on board. Okay, this is a big one and first, there is a fundamental requirement here… this has to be a safe relationship. Don’t try this if it’s not a safe relationship or person. If you’re in a safe relationship and with a safe and loving person practice really hearing them. By that, I mean placing value on what they are telling you and how they are feeling. Practice taking their feedback and perspective on board regardless of whether it fits your narrative. Maybe they’ve been upset with you because they feel like they’re doing more than their fair share around the house, but you disagree, and usually just counter their comment with frustration and naming all the things you do. Instead of responding like that, try taking the time to listen and to take their thoughts feelings, and experiences on board. Try to sit with the fact that what they are saying is true for them and doesn’t require you to defend yourself but rather it’s an opportunity for some internal exploration.
By integrating these practices into your life and relationships you can enhance your ability to reflect deeply and grow both personally and together.
I hope this information helps! Enjoy :)
With love,
Lucille
