how to build self-trust

Have you ever found yourself struggling to make decisions? Not sure which path to take? Whether to stay or go in a relationship?

Experiencing a lack of self-trust can contribute to second-guessing yourself, lead to excessive worrying, doubt, and a heightened sense of uncertainty about your abilities, decisions, or actions. This can make it difficult to trust your judgment and increase your tendency to second-guess yourself.

It might be a decision as simple as what food you want to eat, whether you really want to go to an event you’ve been invited to… or as complex as whether or not you want to stay in a relationship.

 Self-trust helps us to be confident in our decision-making and comfortable relying on our judgment. It helps us to act in our own best interest and stop self-sabotaging.

The trouble is, that self-trust is developed in childhood and is modeled through our parents and caregivers. If we are constantly dismissed, punished, or rejected for following our intuition or expressing ourselves, then we learn not to trust.

Self-trust is essential for personal growth, confidence, and well-being. When you trust yourself, you have confidence in your abilities, judgments, and decisions. It is the belief that you can rely on yourself to navigate life's challenges and make choices that align with your values and goals.

Having a sense of self-trust looks like this:

· Being comfortable making important decisions.

· Trusting your intuition.

· Not feeling the need to constantly explain yourself to others.

· Listening to yourself.

· Feeling like you can count on yourself.

· Feeling comfortable relying on yourself and not needing to seek validation from others.

· Acting on your needs.

· Engaging in behaviours that feel good to you.

· Having your own back.

· Acting in your own best interests.

When you don't trust yourself, several signs and behaviours may manifest. Here are some common indicators:

· Indecisiveness: You may struggle to make decisions, even about relatively minor things. There's a constant fear of making the wrong choice, which can lead to analysis paralysis or seeking excessive external validation.

· Overreliance on others' opinions: You may heavily rely on others' opinions and perspectives when making decisions or evaluating your own actions. Your own judgment takes a back seat, and you may seek reassurance or confirmation from others before proceeding.

· Constant self-doubt: There's a persistent inner voice that questions your abilities, judgments, and worth. You may doubt your competence, fear failure, and question whether you're deserving of success or happiness.

· Fear of taking risks: The lack of self-trust can lead to a fear of taking risks or stepping out of your comfort zone. The fear of making mistakes or facing failure can keep you stuck in familiar and safe routines, hindering personal growth and exploration.

· Difficulty setting boundaries: Without self-trust, you may struggle to establish and enforce healthy boundaries in relationships. There's a fear of asserting your needs, expressing your opinions, or standing up for yourself, leading to a tendency to prioritize others' wants and needs over your own.

· Self-sabotaging behaviours: The lack of self-trust can contribute to self-sabotage, where you undermine your own efforts or achievements. This can manifest as procrastination, perfectionism, or avoiding opportunities that could lead to personal or professional growth.

· Lack of self-confidence: When you don't trust yourself, it often accompanies a lack of self-confidence. You may feel insecure about your abilities, question your worth, or feel a persistent sense of imposter syndrome, believing that you're not as capable as others perceive you to be.

It's important to note that everyone experiences self-doubt to some extent, and occasional moments of questioning oneself are normal. However, if a lack of self-trust significantly affects your well-being, relationships, or ability to pursue your goals, it may be helpful start dedicating some time, attention and energy to building self-trust. If this is something you’d like to do then small acts of self-trust are where to start. Before making decisions, check in with yourself and try to notice what you’re feeling and what YOU want. Ask yourself… is this in my best interest? Then start taking small steps toward building that internal self-trust.

Here are a few strategies that can help when building self-trust:

· Recognize and challenge negative thoughts: Pay attention to the negative thoughts or self-doubt that arise when you're second-guessing yourself. Challenge these thoughts by examining evidence for and against them. Consider more balanced and realistic perspectives that take into account your past successes and capabilities.

· Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Acknowledge that self-doubt and anxiety are common experiences and that it's okay to make mistakes or feel uncertain at times. Practice self-compassion by offering yourself support, reassurance, and encouragement.

· Focus on your strengths and achievements: Remind yourself of your past accomplishments and strengths. Reflect on the times when you trusted yourself and things turned out well. Celebrate your achievements and use them as evidence to build confidence in your abilities.

· Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for support and perspective. Sharing your concerns or doubts with someone you trust can provide reassurance and a different viewpoint. Consider talking to a therapist or counsellor who can help you work through your anxiety and develop coping strategies.

· Take small steps and embrace self-care: Start by taking small actions and gradually building up your confidence. Set achievable goals and celebrate each step forward. Engage in self-care activities that help reduce anxiety, such as exercise, mindfulness, relaxation techniques, or hobbies that bring you joy.

Remember that building self-trust is a process that takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate the progress you make along the way and as always, if you would like some extra support please don’t hesitate to reach out.

With love,

Lucille