conflict is an opportunity for growth
Use the conflict for something good, see the challenges as opportunities, and watch your relationship transform.
I know, I know it’s easy to say but hard to do. To start seeing the challenges in your relationship as opportunities, you’ll need a massive shift in perspective! So, how do you do it?!
Here are some ways to change your perspective on relational challenges and start seeing them as opportunities for growth and learning:
Actively change your mindset: View conflicts as a natural part of the relationship and an opportunity to understand one another better.
Practice self-reflection: Challenges can teach you about yourself and about your wants and needs in relationship. Self-reflection can help you identify what triggers a negative reaction in you and why. This can help you better manage your responses during conflict and understand what’s going on beneath the surface.
Focus on your communication: Take conflict and challenges as an opportunity to improve your communication. Start listening to understand, not just to respond. Validate your partner's feelings and perspectives. Practice sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly and respectfully. Talk about what’s happening for you during conflict and hold space for their experience. This will enable you to be a more understanding and supportive partner.
Move to an ‘us’ focus rather than a self-focus: Learning to see things from your partner's point of view, acknowledge their feelings, and be okay with differences of opinion can do wonders for your relationship not to mention make you more empathetic. It can also help you to be more open to working together to find solutions and create mutual goals for the relationship aka work as a part of a team. It will help you to value the needs of your partner, just as you value your own needs, and teach you to consider what is in the best interests of the relationship, not just the individuals.
Value and celebrate the small wins: Change takes time and happens in small steps one after the other. Recognise and celebrate the small improvements. Express gratitude for each other's efforts and be patient. Growth takes time. The effects of your efforts will accumulate slowly.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
You might be thinking… ‘I’ve tried this, and it sounds simple but I just get so activated by my partner sometimes’.
Does that sound like you? If so, it’s worth thinking about the barriers that get in the way of you actually being open to seeing conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning.
The barriers that get in the way:
Your relationship not being in a great space: When you’ve had a build-up of negative interactions with your partner over a long period it can chip away at you and shift your perspective of your partner and the relationship. If this resonates, then it’s important to start focusing on building positive interactions and really trying to reconnect with one another.
Conflict and challenges not feeling safe: If it doesn’t feel like you can have a conflict or navigate a challenge without it threatening the relationship or moving to a very destructive place, then it’s very difficult to see it as an opportunity for growth. Safety is absolutely essential for this shift to be not only effective but possible.
Unresolved conflicts: When we haven’t resolved past conflicts sometimes they show up in the present. They show up in the way we react and respond and can help us become aware of what we’ve yet to work through. We might need to work through past stuff, in order to shift our mindset and how we show up in conflict in the future.
Past traumas: Sometimes our own stuff including past traumas or relational experiences influence our ability to navigate conflict in a productive way. Maybe there are genuine reasons you find it difficult to make this shift and would benefit from accessing some support. If that’s the case do reach out to a therapist or coach you trust.
By adopting these strategies, you can learn and grow from the challenges and conflicts within your relationship so they’re not wasted! By doing this you will learn to better understand yourself, and one another, and to better navigate the challenges which ultimately leads to a stronger connection and a better relationship.
With love,
Lucille
