Are you open to your partner's perspective?
Are you willing to really hear them, take on board their perspective, and accept their reality?
This is a big one… and one that so many of us find challenging. Not feeling heard or seen is one of the reasons we disconnect in relationship and often it’s got to do with whether or not we are willing and able to see each other’s perspective.
When we feel like our partner isn’t making the effort to understand our point of view, to listen to us or take on board what we’re communicating, it feels like rejection and that sparks disconnection.
It makes sense really. Connection is about just that... CONNECTING and when you are interrupting, disregarding your partners perspective or not listening to their side... you’re not connecting, you’re rejecting.
In order to connect it’s important to stay open to your partners perspective. That doesn’t mean you have agree but it does mean making the effort to listen intently and try to understand their reality.
This isn’t just for when you’re having issues. It’s for everyday life.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who you feel struggles to see your perspective, you might like to try saying something like:
I don’t think you’ve understood what I mean. Can I explain again so we can get some clarity on what each of us are saying?
Right now I don’t want to try and solve this problem. I just want you to listen so that you can understand my perspective.
I don’t think you’ve understood what I mean. Can I explain again so we can get some clarity on what each of us are saying?
I’m not sure if you’re getting what I’m saying. What are you hearing?
Open lines of communication are key in building and maintaining connection. It’s doesn’t mean you always need to agree, but at least making the effort to be open to another perspective helps each person to feel seen, heard and understood.
How to practice being more open to your partner's perspective:
Remember that validating is about accepting their emotional experience and doesn't mean you have to agree. It's about holding space and saying 'I hear you'.
Your perspective is influenced by your beliefs, values, and experiences; therefore, it is natural that perspectives will differ in a relationship.
Seeking to understand and accept your partner's perspective can increase feelings of being seen, heard and understood.
Ask yourself... what's more important, the relationship or being right?
Having a different perspective to your partner doesn't make your perspective wrong. Two things can coexist if we allow them.
Ask yourself, 'What is this really about?' What does having different perspectives really mean to me?
See it as an opportunity to learn more about each other and explore what beliefs, values, dreams, memories or experiences are influencing each of your perspectives.
Remind yourself that your perspective is no better, worse or more valuable than your partner's.
Know that while it might be challenging, being open to one another's perspective and influence is a big contributor to relationship satisfaction.
I hope this helps!
